In 1997, having no idea what I wanted to do with my future, I enrolled into a community college and when prompted with the question at the administration office: "What major would you like to declare? You can always change it later...." Without much thought, I chose Physics (mostly due to the energetic teacher I had in high school who taught Physics). That ended up jumpstarting the curriculum that I would study in college, eventually obtaining degrees in Physics thru the years.
In 2003, while hanging out with a friend in her apartment in Los Angeles, I curiously and randomly chose to contact a girl whom I shared my first kiss with nearly 13 years before. We started a relationship shortly afterwards, culminating into a marriage. We've shared some beautiful moments and more than our share of trials and tribulations. And to this day, our marriage is the single proudest thing I have in my life.
In 2012, amidst the fog and depression of infertility and childlessness, I (half-heartedly) made the decision to look into alternatives to becoming parents. I visited several adoption sites that day and started a discussion with my wife that would turn our world upside down, trying our patience and diligence to levels we could not have imagined (especially coming off the fresh emotions of infertility, surgery, etc). But that small decision, and all the seemingly small junctures that shaped my life have brought me to this: a wife that can make the rest of the world disappear and a loving son that teaches me lessons about myself everyday.
Earlier this year in October and November 2014, my wife and I made two separate trips to Korea which included social worker visits, meetings with our son Taeyeong, family court appointments, embassy and visa approvals, and, a long trip home back with him to the USA.
Taeyeongee is a very kind hearted child, that is very playful and active. He is definitely dealing with the trauma and frustration of having a new home, new sounds, new smells, new parents, new country.....new life. He is still very fragile and raw, but he is transitioning well and we are so proud and happy to have him in our life. As new parents to a 2.5 yr old toddler, we find ourselves continuously struggling to make the best possible environment for him to thrive in, but we are learning things about parenting and our own shortcomings. And while the social worker visits, doctor appointments, legal and government paperwork is no where near done, we are finally a family. Learning to live together thru a series of adjustments and compromises.
Not the way we planned but we have become a family. While significantly more difficult and painful than we would have ever imagined, this is nonetheless the journey we've traveled finding the permanency and loyalty of family.
The process of dealing with infertility, depression, and adoption has been an experience that has transformed my wife and I, and our marriage. We still have moments where we grieve the children we will never have biologically, the time lost to depression and valuable years lost with important moments in our son's life (first steps, first words, smiles, giggles, his birth into the world, etc). I think back at how it had extinguished the optimistic outlook on life and carefreeness my wife and I used to feel. But during this past year, my wife and I have started letting go of things that held us captive to depression and sadness. And, in doing so, we were able to find the strength to really reset and adjust the goals and dreams we had when we first got married. And with the arrival of our son, we have even started to forgive ourselves (more specifically I have).....freeing us to notice and recognize moments of genuine joy while re-discovering a bit of the bright-eyed and hopeful past of our former selves.
