As it turns out, my neighbor had been very frustrated that I'd been placing my bins (where I have always placed them well before he moved into the next townhouse) to the right of our home. In general, that's how the homes in our community have been doing it, and how my previous neighbor did it. But not this guy. He would move my bins, leave notes, etc. But I would continue to do as I've always done and as most of our neighbors do. I really had no other choice, since I'm up much earlier than just about all my neighbors, and the garbage and recycling trucks are coming around at that time, I don't have time to re-arrange my bins. What he also complained about was the fact that after the collectors came, our bins would be in front of his house. But there's not much I can do since i'm gone before they come and they place the bins wherever they feel like it.
One fateful day, as I was taking my trash bins out, he and his wife were in their car with their child and they rolled their window down. I could actually tell the guy was annoyed and asked me where I expected him to place his bins and that it was very inconvenient to have my bins at times laid out in front of his driveway (which was left by the inconsiderate garbage collectors)? I told him to place the bins on your right just like all the other neighbors. And the problem was his neighbor took both sides. Great. As far as my bins blocking his driveway, I told him nicely (he did have his child in the car) that it really was the work of the collectors being a bit rushed and inconsiderate, and not because of our bin placement. I told him that I would ask my wife to bring our bins into the house as early as possible so as to leave his garage path clear (at least of our bins).
A funny thing happened while we spoke. I started to see that he was actually a very decent and friendly guy. A family man, responsible - and all the random things I remember seeing him do (always washing his cars, carrying in groceries, etc) started to look more admirable in the eyes of someone I could actually get a sense of. Then I spoke a few words to his wife and asked that we try to work together and keep from getting frustrate. She smiled in response. Suddenly, the guy that seemed to be a pest and also viewed me in a similar way, was truly a neighbor. And I could literally see his eyes soften and tone change. He even stated "seeing you today, and talking to you....it makes me feel so much better about these little things." I certainly agreed and a few weeks later I ran into him and his daughter as they checked mail at our community mail slots and I engaged in a little chat, and saw him teaching his daughter to read the numbers on the slots.
It reminded me how connected we all really are - and while it isn't a ground breaking epiphany, it was an important and needed reminder that actually seeing, feeling, and engaging with someone gives you a better sense of that person. This is something that is nearly always lost thru the internet. We easily feel that we are up to date on our friends by checking where they've been, where they work, and if they are in a relationship or not on things such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. But in actuality (and I personally do this all the time), we need to seek out and find them so you can hear their voice (even if it's over the phone), or see their face, or share drinks, or put your arm around them......those actions make even the simplest interactions considerably much more powerful and multi-dimensional. And the connection that we feel in those moments can build even more depth and meaning into the most basic of conversations.
I removed my birthday from social media several years ago, and I was never very big on interacting thru social media (though I do update photos/videos there for ease of sharing).....and I witnessed just how thin and fickle many interactions were when there wasnt something so convenient pulling them into contact, reminding them to do this or that. What is really disappointing is the fact that with such little interaction and with so many people (including my friends) choosing text messages and the like to substitute for face to face time, a large piece of building memories and bonds are lost. And the connection that lies so fundamentally at the heart of creating relationships, the simple human element of a person's touch, sound, and face....... is also the very thing that conveys their real feelings and true self. It's like trying to describe the beauty of majestic places such as Zion, Big Sur, the Sierras, or Morro Bay by studying a photograph. No matter how perfect of a moment or beautiful the photo is it can never capture the smells, the breeze, the vivid colors, and the dynamic changes you can feel in the environment that truly makes those places special, and the perspective you feel as you take it in.
Human contact....the sharing moments together are so much more than just being in the same place at the same time. That contact builds inertia, keeping our relationships energized with momentum and enthusiasm.....so that even as we go thru changes in many facets of our character and personality (knowingly and unknowingly) thru the trials and tribulations that we separately face, we remain connected to each other in those shared moments that we can picture in our heads through what we saw, touched, smelled, and felt. I'll leave you with a short video that I often think about when I reflect on and even yearn to see my very own friends: Human Connection Experiment
"We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface, but connected in the deep." - William James
