My Father, The Amazing....

There are many shows that I've enjoyed watching over the past 3 decades (with HBO's "The Wire" being my absolute favorite of all time), but there are few shows that have made me laugh while allowing me to reflect on my own life as the 90's TV series "The Wonder Years."  I remember a particular scene from The Wonder Years where Kevin Arnold (Fred Savage) and his father are sitting in a cafe after attending his high school's state championship basketball game.  In this episode Kevin starts to idolize an older, star basketball player (Bobby Riddle) from his high school (who's locker is adjacent to his). During the numerous wins and highlights of the regular season, which eventually culminate in the team going to the state championships, the star basketball player was amicable and gregarious.  However, Kevin's high school ends up losing in the state championships, and Bobby who seemed confident, friendly, even magnanimous at times, showed the youth and frailty of his character.  Kevin waited to speak to the star basketball player but he could care less about speaking to Kevin, emphatically embarrassing him in front of the remaining crowd (including his Kevin's father).  The episode continues with Kevin and his father driving home, at which point his father decides to exit for some pie and coffee.

As they sit having coffee and pie, Kevin's father starts to discuss the game and the talent of the star player that had just embarrassed Kevin.  Immediately Kevin starts to change his view and appreciation of Bobby, discounting his dribbling, shooting ability, and overall skills. Its then that Kevin's father starts to chuckle and when Kevin asks "what's so funny?" His dad responds sternly and sensitively, in a tone straddled best by a parent: "Kevin, you're a hard man to please.....Let me tell you something.  It's not easy being a hero."  And in that instant, Kevin realizes that his father isn't referring to Bobby Riddle, but to himself. Perhaps alluding to many of the occasions where his father let him down, but even more the the pressure and sense of accountability a hero tends to feel from those that count on him.

When I think about my own dad, there were times he seemed superhuman to me as well.  I remember my brother and I standing on top of a hill that seemed to take us forever to climb up, and the ease and accuracy with which my father was able to kick a soccer ball up to us.  My brother and I would catch the ball and ask him to kick it again to us, over and over again.  Or the time my dad, my brother and I were leaving Disneyland and my dad chased after and caught the shuttle which was already halfway across the parking lot (it was the last shuttle heading to our hotel).  The way he used to laugh and play with us in the car, asking us to raise our hands in the air as we went down a large hill (much like a roller coaster).  How he used to wake me up late at night when he and my mom would get back home to place presents under the Christmas tree (and how happy I would be to share that moment with him).  How he'd always make the best root beer floats.  How he waited and looked out at the airplane trying to find me on the plane when I was heading back to LA for school (he didnt know I saw him standing and waiting as the plane finished loading passengers). How he fell from greatness when I realized he was human.  How disappointed and saddened his face looked when I was arrested for the 2nd time in a two week span at the age of 14.  I remember how he eased expectations and pressures on what I was going to do with my life, and realizing how hard it must have been for him to do just that: to give up a vision of success and greatness you have always dreamed of providing for your child. I hope and pray, that my own son, whom I've not even met yet, will find it in his heart to see my wife and I as worthwhile role models and that one day he also realizes we are just human.

I guess what I realized as I got a bit older was there is no moment that defines or creates a hero. Empirical and fleeting are the things that seem to hold up certain individuals in your life. And while a legend and great story can (and surely deserves) to be born from moments where we shine brighter than those around us in the most critical moments, those that REALLY come through, the ones that come by even when you push them away or let them down over and over, .....the ones that can look past all your shitty qualities and still sacrifice whatever they can for you......I suppose those are the real heroes.